The Underlying Causes of Common Children’s Behavior Problems

 

There are numerous causes behind this issue, and understanding them can greatly contribute to resolving the problem. These reasons include:

1. Inconsistency in Parental Behavior

🔸 One day the child is praised for a behavior, the next day they are criticized for the same.
🔸 This leads to confusion, anxiety, and a lack of trust in parents.
🔸 Common behavioral issues in the child: stubbornness, lying, resistance to rules.

2. Frequent Verbal and Physical Punishment (with humiliation or threats)

🔸 Instead of understanding their mistake, the child becomes fearful and learns to pretend or hide.
🔸 Feelings of worthlessness and hidden anger begin to develop.
🔸 Common behaviors: aggression, ignoring instructions, unexplained anger.

3. Constant Comparison with Others

🔸 “Look how polite your cousin is!”
🔸 Leads to unhealthy competition, low self-esteem, and resentment toward others.
🔸 Common behaviors: jealousy, desire to defeat others, extreme shyness in social settings.

4. Conditional Affection (only when the child performs well)

🔸 “If you get a good grade, I’ll love you.”
🔸 The child learns that love is conditional and lives in fear of losing it.
🔸 Common behaviors: anxiety, perfectionism, a deep sense of emptiness.

5. Excessive Control and Lack of Decision-Making Opportunities

🔸 The parent decides everything; the child only follows orders.
🔸 The child fails to develop problem-solving skills and responsibility.
🔸 Common behaviors: indecisiveness, excessive dependency, lack of self-confidence.

6. Magnifying Mistakes and Focusing on Weaknesses

🔸 The child feels like they are never good enough.
🔸 This instills a fear of failure and a sense of incompetence.
🔸 Common behaviors: withdrawal, avoiding new experiences, lying to escape criticism.

7. Lack of a Listening Ear and Open Dialogue

🔸 The parent only commands or lectures, without truly listening.
🔸 The child feels unimportant and emotionally distances themselves.
🔸 Common behaviors: apathy, disinterest, indirect complaints at school or with peers.

8. Parental Fear of Being Assertive and Setting Boundaries

🔸 The parent avoids saying “no” to avoid upsetting the child.
🔸 The child grows up without boundaries, learning to defy rules and act self-centered.
🔸 Common behaviors: willfulness, anger when denied something, disrespect toward others.

A Conscious Message for Parents

Children are learning how to live. Our behavior today shapes the permanent parts of their character tomorrow.
If a child is restless, angry, or anxious, let us first look into the mirror of our own behavior before trying to correct them.